Monday, January 29, 2007

Houtchens verses Vick- The Game!

You KNOW you have waited for this, and I am about to bring it to you in a 7 part series, chock full of tantalizing screenshots, play analysis, and excitement! It’s the showdown you have been waiting for! Glenn Houtchens vs. Michael Vick! The chunky, out of shape, bald middle school teacher verses the fastest quarterback in the NFL! I’m IN THE GAME, BABY! All of this is thanks to EA Sports and my own fertile imagination. So let’s get started….

I am going on the idea that after I played linebacker at Maryville College, I devoted myself completely to developing myself into a candidate for the NFL draft. I bulk myself up and pump weights until I look like the missing link. I do speed drills, stay after every practice with the coaches and get myself so psyched up that I am a walking advertisement for mental health institutions and testosterone… then comes the draft. In this case, I get drafted by [drum roll]… the Houston Texans. Normally, this would be (in my own opinion) a reason for immediate hari-kari. A shame that I did not get picked by the Atlanta Falcons, my preferred and hometown team, but, I thought, why not give it a try? My contract is only 2 years and by the time I am a free agent, I will have developed into a more seasoned, refined veteran, able to shop myself around for the team of my choosing.

A short note about the league in general- in this league I am going on the assumption that the rumored trade talks between the Falcons and the Raiders are true, and Vick will be traded to the Raiders for an unspecified draft pick, as well as some cap compensation (perhaps a renegotiation?) after June 1st. Additionally, Roddy White was traded to the Houston Texans for a defensive back.

In the pictures above: 1. Shortly after the kickoff, there is a fumble. 21 players make a mad dash for the football. Unfortunately for all of us, the REFEREE is standing right on top of the ball and it is so crowded on each side he can’t move. It’s a shame the game will not allow us to clobber the zebra that gets in the way with a clothesline.

2. Vick learns that when he tries to gain yardage with me playing linebacker, that it’s hard to run without legs.

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