Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Pudding Story

This event actually occured in college.The year is 1981, Maryville College, Tennessee. I am a linebacker for the football team, and as such, one of the perks is being able to sit at the "training table," where atheletes are indulged with as many extra helpings of whatever sumptuous delectable they desire. As all the atheletes are gathered together, and as we sometimes get bored with each other, there at times occurs a restlessness, a collective desire to do mischeif, and we, the long armed, well muscled, mature, handsome, upstanding young men degenerate into brutish, hulking, mindless, drooling, immature idiots looking for a place to happen.

Enter the Pudding
One particular summer afternoon the menu called for beef stroganoff and one of the desserts was pudding with a dollop of whipped cream on top. It was served in a small side dish, the kind one usually gets iced cream in. There were a number of these dishes at the end of the serving line, not being terribly well attended as they were not too popular. We were all sitting around mulling over what we were going to do, when one of our linemen whose name escapes me went over and brought back a dish of butterscotch pudding. He endured several scathing comments about what the pudding might look like during late afternoon practice after being eaten, and said "just watch."

The Operation
Using a flat bottomed knife, he removed the dollop of whipped cream with the precision of a skilled surgeon and placed it on the side. Using a spoon, he scooped out a portion of the butterscotch pudding forming a hole in the wiggly tan glob. Into this hole he placed a spoonful of beef stroganoff followed by a liberal amount of yellow mustard. One by one our faces lit up, and realizing what this meant, grins spread evilly across our young faces in infantile glee. Carefully, he placed the dollop of whipped cream on top and smoothed it back over.

The Bait
He strolled back to the serving line nonchalantly with the carefully doctored "surprize" and placed it amongst the others, then came back to our table without being detected. We waited in anticipation. Students went through the lunch line ignoring our little treat... until.... There was one girl getting her lunch- a very pretty but rigid and studious young thing who showed an interest in the desserts. She was perfect. Her hair was perfect. Her makeup was perfect. Her clothes were perfect. She was perfectly composed and had a perfect demeanor. She was "Miss Priss" to a tee. Guess which dessert she chose.

We waited for her to finish her meal, stealing glances at her and trying hard not to smile, laugh or look suspicious. She pulled the pudding closer as she babbled with her girlfreind. Slowly, she pulled a spoonful of the concoction towards her mouth, then waited while she finished a reply. She placed the pudding into her mouth as her face squinted and wrinkled in revulsion. "Bwahahahahaha!" we all burst out laughing as she brought a napkin to her mouth and gave us a dirty look. To me, it was one of those times that makes college a memorable experience.

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