Vacation

Ah, I have been gone on vacation (“gone” being a relative term, simply holed up in the house would be more appropriate) and once again turn my thoughts to sundry items of interest.

Brittany Spears has been in the news, and I thought of writing an article called “Whoops- I Did It Again” referring to her odd behavior of shaving her head and attacking a car ala James Brown, who shot out the headlights of his wife’s car with a shotgun in 1989. She also has been… a bit… risqué with the paparazzi. Perhaps I shall devote a column to celebrity mental health issues, comparing Brittany to Michael Jackson. Frankly, though, I consider such Hollywood tripe to be beneath my dignity and even though amusing shall leave such matters to those fitting to report it, for now.

Speaking of mental health issues, I was up at 3 am this morning unable to sleep. I made my way to the den (not of iniquity) and proceeded to polish off the biography of J.R.R. Tolkien which I have been reading. Just before 4am, I heard an unusual noise outside the house. It sounded like voices talking over a walkie-talkie; it had a metallic sound to it. I was not imagining it… I heard it several times. I turned off the lights (not wanting to make a silhouette) and listened intently at the window, peering out into the blackness. I heard it again, it sounded like it may have been coming from behind the neighbors house, on the side which I have no windows. Oddly, the dogs did not go nuts, which they usually do at any noise or disturbance whatsoever. I thought of calling the police, then considered what would happen if they should decide to institutionalize me for reporting robotic space aliens with lasers and walkie-talkies outside my house. Not a good career move, Glenn. So the matter goes unresolved, for now.

I had a crust over my left eye this morning and an accompanying itch, and that means that I may have a touch of pink eye, which I truly distain. I received some remarkable advice from Dr. Wallace, a doctor in Marietta whom I saw after going for several weeks with pink eye in 1994. By that time I looked like Quasimodo’s cousin and had gone through 6 different types of prescription eye drops. He told me not to rub it, but to keep it clean by showering 2-3x per day. Sure enough, it cleared up in 3 days. Hope I am ok for work tomorrow.

One last thing: I have psychic dogs. I splurged a little bit over the vacation and ordered Chinese food. Every time I do so, Snoopy and Mikey bark at the door until the delivery man arrives, when they finally stop. 30 minutes. Bark, bark, bark. Run, run, run. Back and forth, running around in circles, panting and barking and looking at the door and then myself. “SHADDAP! There’s NOBODY there!”
Bark!
“See? No one is there.”
Bark!
“Hush!”
I go back to the computer. Bark, bark bark! Finally Mr. Song shows up and the dogs are vindicated and justified. Sniff, sniff, sniff. Pant, pant, pant. Once again, my efforts are in vain and they have proven they know better than me. Such is my lot in life.