Monday, January 12, 2009

Things I Find Amusing, Part I


Emperor Palpatine looking for work as a temp employee. It is absurd, it is delightfully disrespectful, and painfully politically incorrect. Just what the doctor ordered.

"Now witness the fire power of this fully armed and operational invisible doggy fence!"

G.Houtchens
armchair coach
amateur historian

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Blessing Does Not Leave


Many years ago, when I was just out of college in 1986 or so, I lived in St. Petersburg, Florida for approximately a year before returning to Georgia to become an educational therapist and then, a public school teacher. It was during this time that I was working out my disillusionment with the Reverend Jerry Falwell. I was learning the dangers of placing a person on a pedestal.

I went to Amy Grant and Steve Camp concerts. I listened to groups like 2nd Chapter of Acts, Randy Stonehill, Michael W. Smith and Russ Taff. There was a second hand Christian music store called Weird Al's that I loved shopping in.

Along the way, I happened to pick up a tape of a Christian comedian named Mike Warnke. He was an effective speaker, and had an excellent sense of humor. So, I started buying his cassette tapes as well, whenever a new one would come out. I would listen and laugh, and play his tapes over and over again. I still have several of his cassette tapes to this day, the pack rat that I am.

Mike Warnke had a testimony of being a former satanic high priest, and his account of being rescued by God from this life was quite gripping. He was in high demand as a speaker around the country, visiting churches and auditoriums. Mike was saved in Navy boot camp, so we both had that mutual experience- I had just finished Coast Guard boot camp a year or two earlier.

Unknown by me, however, was the fact that while being a traveling evangelist, Mike himself was an incredibly flawed and very human individual. He was unable to stay faithful to his wife, and the wife he married thereafter, and the wife he married thereafter. His emotional appeals for donations at the end of his services contained stories which were not altogether true. He evidently had obtained some kind of independent ordination so that he might claim the title of "bishop." He had written a best selling book called "The Satan Seller" which contained a detailed account of his testimony, and was quoted by news agencies as an authority on the subject. Some parts of his testimony were evidently, embellished though, and I say this conservatively.

Years went by and I eventually started my career as a teacher. While searching through the internet one day, I happened upon an article that revealed the truth of Mike's hypocrisy. It was filled with footnotes, and the evidence was not pretty. A link to the article can be found [here.]

Was I disappointed and saddened by what I had learned? Sure! But there is more to this story than the fallibility of one man. That is, that all of us, in one way or another are Mike Warnke. We are no more better than he, for if our thought lives were to be exposed in the way that Mike's personal life was exposed in such a public way, there is not one of us who could claim to be "better." Indeed, we are *all* in the same boat, regarding sin. All of us. There is none righteous. No, not one. It was in self introspection that I thought of this man who had started his ministry wanting to serve God. I had considered going into the ministry myself as a senior in high school, in fact, debating between going to Florida Bible College and Maryville College. What had happened along the way? If I had gone into the ministry, could I say that I would have done any better?

So, what can we get from this story?

First, be wary of placing people on pedestals, for as surely as night follows day, people will eventually disappoint you. Whether that will be a pastor, your parents, a teacher, a friend, Billy Graham, George Bush, Barack Obama- we are all tragically flawed, in one way or another. There is only one who will never disappoint, only one who is perfect: Jesus of Nazareth.

Secondly, our sin points to the need for redemption. My sin. Your sin. That redemption is found in the blood that Jesus shed on the cross, God's perfect sacrifice on our behalf. All that is needed to credit this to our accounting is faith.

Third, about two to three years ago I was driving around town in my truck. Along with the other junk I usually carry along with myself is a bunch of old cassette tapes. One of the tapes happened to be one of Mike Warnke's old appearances. As I listened, knowing what I did of Mike's life, I began to cry. Not in sorrow, but in joy, laughing as I did. Why, you ask? Because the blessing of listening to his stories had not left. The blessing had come from God, not Mike. In fact, knowing what I did then made the blessing even more special, as it showed the incredible forgiveness, and love, of God.

Consequently, do not lose heart in seeking to do good, and to help and bless others. For one never knows from the seeds that are sown what may become of them, in spite of our incredible inadequacies. God can use us- all we have to do is yield and say, "Yes."

G.Houtchens
armchair coach
amateur historian

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Bubble Popped


I was a kid back in the early 70's. It was the age of Rock Em Sock Em Robots, GI Joe, Action Jackson, and Major Matt Mason. President Nixon was in office at the time, but he really did not seem to care about the boring tedium of my work at school. His enlarged head would pop onto the TV in the evenings and all the adults would pay attention when he promised a freeze on prices for inflation, whatever the heck that was. Who cares, that stuff is for adults.

Saturday mornings in those days were programmed for kids time on TV. This was way before cable or internet stations, and one was limited to the stations that were in receiving distance of a local antennae, usually perched on the top of the family's house. As with other kids across America, I would sit there in my PJ's eating sugary cereal watching such shows as Captain Scarlett (one of my favorites, featuring marionettes as the characters, cars and buildings that blew up, and of course, the alien Mysterons,) Scooby Doo, HR Pufinstuff, and a really cool animated version of Fantastic Voyage. The Filmation cartoons were particularly appealing to me as they required a little brainwork and the artistry did not seem as "kiddie-time" as some of the other lame offerings of the day.

Anyhow, into this Saturday morning lineup was inserted bunches and bunches of advertising commercials, aimed straight for kids. This one commercial was pretty cool, it was for these animated robots called the Ding-a-Lings! They would go on this plastic railroad track and had this music jingle that I would bop my head up and down to. The announcer would state loudly, "They're the DING-A-LINGS! They are here! They are there! They are EVERYWHERE!!!" And the music would come on, and I would eat my sugary cereal and think these things were pretty cool. So I asked mom and dad to get me one for Christmas.

Being an inquisitive, curious and intelligent lad, (and also a bit daring) I quickly found one of the storage places my parents were hiding the stash, above the closet in my father's den. And yes, among the boxes was, The Ding-a-Lings! Woot! I was going to get the Ding-a-Lings for Christmas!

Christmas rolled around and the day was filled with much glee, as it is for any kid on Christmas day. Wrapped packages filled with toys, and the occasional piece of clothing that was ceremoniously dumped behind my back. I recognised the package by its shape and tore into it with gutso. Yes! Joy of joys, day of days, it was here! After the unwrapping ceremony was completed, I opened my new box to try it out. Thankfully, my parents had the foresight to buy batteries.

I assembled the railroad track and put the robot into motion. Bzzzzzzzzz it went as it crept slowly along its plastic course. I watched it in anticipation.

Bzzzzzzzz.

Hey! Where is the music? Where is the fun?

Bzzzzzzzz.

Where is the head bopping? When is it going to be here, there, and everywhere?

Bzzzzzzzzz.

Ya know, this thing is kind of STUPID!

Bzzzzzzzzz.

Realization slowly dawned on me. I had been HAD! I had become the victim of a cleverly appealing advertising campaign. So had my parents for that matter, although my concept of money at the time was limited to what their resources could purchase for me, in front of my young eyes. My view of commercialism changed on that day, from being an annoying interruption of my shows to that of outright lies. A small part of my childhood died that day, but it was a good lesson learned. The bubble had popped.

I had gone from wanting to enjoy the toy to wanting to blow it up. Fortunately, I did not entertain the idea of buying 10 boxes of toy gun caps to acquire the gunpowder necessary to perform such a hand-wringing, chemically-inspired, parent-abhorring action.

So, what other lies were being told to me? What are to be considered trusted sources of information? My young mind tried to grapple with the implications of what I had learned. The world it seemed, was not all snips and snails and puppy dog tails. Oh well, Fantastic Voyage is coming on.

G.Houtchens
armchair coach
amateur historian

Note: The below movie is *not* the commercial I saw in the above narrative, but a different one for the same product.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Christmas 2008


What a wonderful Christmas we had this year! Mom, even with her limited resources, splurged well over and above and bought two, count them, two slabs of prime rib, and it was done to perfection. She also prepared the potatos and gravy, and I was in hog heaven. It was quite tender and juicy. In addition to this, mom made me four frozen servings of my favorite, Chicken L'orange and I need not tell you that *that* did not last long. I had Chicken L'orange for breakfast the next morning. Time could not have run more slowly as I waited for the thing to defrost in the microwave.

As it turns out, mom's car stopped working, and that's not something one should be worried about during the Christmas holiday. Thankfully, Amy came to the rescue the next day and pulled her battery and got a new one put in and presto-chango and it worked! ( I was busy eating Chicken L'orange at the time.)

Mom also got for me the original Batman TV series with Adam West, which became something of a cultural icon in the late 60's. When one of thinks of the word "camp," this series comes to mind. "Riddler... you.... dia-bol-ical... ne-far-ious... scheming... villain!" "Holy cackling conundrum, Batman!"

Amy got me some books which I gobbled down. The mortgage business, it seems, is going bananas. Everyone wants a loan with the rate so low, but ones credit has to be above stellar in order to qualify. It's basically a mess.

I am looking forward to Christmas with Dad and Carol as they were out of town over the holidays.

The image I found for the Bush "Mission Accomplished" Defense Base seems a bit funny in a twisted sort of way. It reminds me of Christmases as a child, when plastic toys were all one needed to spark the imagination and to have fun. I have a story about Christmas and advertising that I will have to share with you later.

What an awesome Christmas. Happy Birthday, Jesus. Thank you for sending your only son into the world, Lord, to show your love towards us.

G.Houtchens
armchair coach
amateur historian

PS Here is a little vintage Batman for those too young to remember. Holy Wayback machine, Batman! "Their minimum objective... must... be... the... entire... world!"

I Have Been A Slacker



For not posting as I should have. Yes, I have lots of things on my mind, as always, but regrettably writing about them has taken a back burner. Hopefully I can get back in the groove here and get some writing done. Good thing I don't write for a living, hm?


Friday, December 19, 2008

MUYOW


A MUYOW for those who are unfamiliar with my class, stands for Make Up Your Own Worksheet. However, I happened upon a real life MUYOW this morning. As this vintage World War Two era Tiger Moth biplane was touching down in a field yesterday, it happened to clip a cow with its wing. The cow is reported to be unhurt, in spite of its tumble.





G.Houtchens
armchair coach
amateur historian

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Darrell Mansfield


Darrell Mansfield

I was completely blown away by this video.

His testimony. The gospel. The blues.

Just wanted to share it with you.




G.Houtchens
Armchair coach
Amateur historian